You Can't Go Home Again
by bunniesnfish
Summary: One-shot that takes place about 8 years after my story Sun and Moon. After helping the world find peace years ago, Katara finally faces her own past as she and Zuko visit the South Pole.


**Disclaimer**: _Avatar: The Last Airbender_ is the creation of Michael Dante DiMartino and Bryan Konietzko, and is owned by Nickelodeon.

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**Author's note:** Hey, I'm finally getting this up! For new readers, this story is a one-shot that takes place almost 8 years after my story _Sun and Moon_. It's not totally necessary to this story to have read _Fire and Ice_ & _Sun and Moon_, but I'd recommend it if you want to know how we got to this point!

Hope you all enjoy!

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**You Can't Go Home Again

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**

_I was a heavy heart to carry_  
_my beloved was weighed down_  
_My arms around his neck_  
_My fingers laced to crown_

_I was a heavy heart to carry_  
_But he never let me down_  
_When he had me in his arms_  
_My feet never touched the ground_

-_Heavy in your Arms, _Florence and the Machine

* * *

On a dark spring night, an envoy of Fire Nation ships churned through the waters of the ocean. Years ago, the thought would have struck fear into the hearts of Water Tribesmen everywhere, but times had changed. These Fire Nation ships were on a peaceful mission to the Southern Water Tribe. One of the Water Tribe's own stood at the bow of the flagship, staring toward the south.

Katara looked down at the water; the metal bow of the ship sliced cleanly through her element. She enjoyed the chill air on her face in this moment of solitude. Being confined on a ship did not provide for many moments of solitude.

She heard the heavy door leading to the deck open and close behind her, and listened to the heavy footfalls ring as they approached her. She didn't need to look to see the identity of her visitor; after seven years of marriage, her husband's footsteps were distinctive to her. He silently placed his arms around her, and she reveled in the warmth the firebender provided.

"You should come inside. It's frigid out here," he said into her ear.

"I grew up here, Zuko. I'm used to the cold," she said, even as she buried herself further into his cloak.

His mouth curved into a smile at her stubborn attitude.

"I know, but you're not exactly used to it anymore. You _have_ been living in the Fire Nation for a few years now," he argued.

She took a step back so she could look into his face. She brought her dark-skinned hand up to his cheek to trace the border of his scar with her fingers. His golden eyes looked down at her gently.

"That's why I keep you around," she retorted. "I have my own personal furnace," she said with a smile.

They stood in contented silence for a moment, listening to the sound of the ocean below them.

"I did finally get the children to bed," Zuko informed her. "Kysa was practically bouncing off the walls with excitement. She can't wait to meet all the other waterbenders."

Katara smiled at the enthusiasm of her second-born. The four-year old was a bundle of energy. Both parents had been surprised when the girl had revealed her waterbending abilities. All three of their children looked more like their father than their mother, so Katara had been ecstatic to find out that one of her offspring shared her bending abilities. Their six year-old son, Sokka, had Zuko's raven hair, but had the ocean blue eyes of his mother. He was the most serious child, being the oldest and therefore the Crown Prince of the Fire Nation, but he was perfectly capable of getting into mischief with his sisters. Three year-old Mizuki was a happy, content child that was full of smiles. Only recently had she exhibited firebending abilities.

As Katara thought about her children, she remembered the evening she had informed Zuko that she was pregnant. She had been devastated by the fear and horror in her husband's eyes as she relayed the joyous news. Understanding had come after he had explained his fear to her. He had been afraid to become a father; his own father had been a miserable role model. Indeed, Zuko had been a cruel man and committed atrocities in his own recent past. He worried that he would follow in his father's footsteps; he didn't want his own children to fear him. Katara had eventually been able to put his fears to rest. She reminded him that he was not his father, and that he had righted the wrongs he had committed. It was a new beginning.

She smiled in her husband's arms. He had quickly set aside his fears when their son was born, and threw himself wholeheartedly into fatherhood. He even went against the royal tradition, and refused to place his children under the care of a nanny. His study in the Fire Palace was littered with various toys; the servants would let out exasperated sighs as they picked up the children's items before the arrival of visiting dignitaries.

They had settled into their lives in the Fire Nation. Both she and Zuko had been working non-stop for peace. Most of the world seemed to be accepting of the idea, but there were several factions who still fought against the concept. Three years ago, a Fire Nation group of "loyalists" had made an assassination attempt on a very pregnant Katara and her two children. Fortunately, she had been able to take out the assassin before he could do any real damage.

Zuko had been furious, and Katara had seen a part of him surface that she thought had died long ago. She had once again witnessed the murderous gleam in his eyes. After interrogating the would-be assassin that Katara had left alive, he had disappeared for several weeks to hunt down the responsible party. When he returned, the only detail he would tell her was that those responsible for the attempted assassination were no longer a threat. She shuddered at the memory.

Whatever the Fire Lord had done to eliminate that particular threat had apparently been enough to deter other groups from attempting to harm the royal family, as there hadn't been any attempts since. Katara and Zuko had watched their children grow, and watched the world rebuild. They had traveled across the world to observe the restoration efforts, but the one place they had not yet visited was the Southern Water Tribe. The efforts to rebuild the Southern Water Tribe were taking the longest, since the war had all but eliminated the people and their nation.

Despite her promise years ago to Zuko to show him her homeland, she hadn't been able to bring herself to do it. His face had been filled with sadness for her as she explained to him that she wasn't ready to visit the place of her greatest tragedy.

She sighed in his arms, and he held her closer as the wind whipped at them.

"Zuko, I don't know if I can face it," she admitted quietly.

"You've faced much more difficulty than this. Besides, I think it will be good for you to finally face your past," he replied. He didn't need to remind her of the nightmares she still had, where she would wake up screaming. The only thing that would quiet her was her husband gently shaking her awake.

"I know…it's just…you don't know what it was like," she told him.

"No, I don't. And I'm sorry," he said sadly.

"You know I don't blame you, Zuko," she reassured him.

She felt him breathe in deeply.

"It will have changed from your last memory, Katara. They have rebuilt. It will be a city of laughter and love again. The kids want to see where their mother came from," he said gently.

"I know," she said.

"We'll create new memories there," he said as he took her hand. "Come on, let's go inside. It's too cold out here," he observed as he led her back into the ship.

* * *

The following day, the ice floes of her homeland were visible at first light. They were nearly there. After breakfast, Katara took the opportunity to give Kysa a waterbending lesson. Zuko took their other two children onto the deck as well, so he could give them a firebending lesson. The kids were so excited to see their mother's icy homeland that a bending lesson was the only way to distract them.

After hearing "Are we there yet?" for about the twentieth time that morning, both parents were forced to concede defeat. Fortunately, at that point, they _were_ there. Katara looked out over the landscape that was both familiar and foreign to her. There was the village. It was different from the way she remembered it, since most of it had been rebuilt from nothing. The ice wall surrounding the city had been restored; it had only been present in her earliest memories, since it had been destroyed in a Fire Nation raid when she was very young. And there – there was the penguin sledding hill. Her eyes filled with tears as she remembered the brother she had lost.

Suddenly a small, warm hand had filled her own. She looked down with a smile at her son – the son she had named for her brother.

"Mom, what's wrong? Aren't you happy to see your home again?" he asked worriedly.

In that moment, she was filled with thankfulness that her own children never had to witness the horrors she had lived through as a child. She was happy they would never understand what she had been through.

She leaned down to give him a hug. "Yes, my love. It's just…been a long time," she said as way of explanation. She looked down over the sea of blue parkas, and was overjoyed to see that her people had come to greet them. She took a deep breath, and said, "Come, let's go meet them!"

Zuko and her daughters had joined them, and together the royal family descended the ramp to greet the people of the Southern Water Tribe.

Her son still clung to her hand, and she felt him pull on it. "Mom, they _all_ look like you," he said in wonderment. She let out a small laugh. "Yes, Sokka. This is where I was born. These are my people."

A familiar wizened face stepped out of the crowd, and Katara ran forward to embrace him. "Master Pakku! I didn't realize you were in the south!"

He smiled down at his student. "I wanted to help with the rebuilding efforts. They needed someone to train the new crop of waterbenders as well," he explained. "Someone else came to see you too," he said, gesturing to another man in the crowd.

"Bato! I hadn't heard you were here!" she exclaimed.

He smiled kindly at her. The two had eventually healed the rift that had existed between them at the end of the war. He had visited her in the Fire Nation a few times, mostly to visit the children. Bato was the closest thing they had to a grandfather.

Three raven-haired bundles of energy suddenly tackled the Water Tribe warrior.

"Bato!" her children yelled in tandem. "Did you bring us presents?" Kysa asked excitedly. Katara rolled her eyes. Here they were, prince and princesses of the Fire Nation, wanting for nothing, and yet they still asked for presents. She laughed as Bato pulled a few toys and trinkets from his parka for them.

After trading pleasantries with several people in the crowd, Pakku announced that it was time to get the Fire Nation royal family settled in their guest quarters. The crowd dispersed, and Katara, Zuko, and the children followed Pakku into the center of the city.

Katara looked around in wonder at all that had been done. When she had been forced to leave, all that had remained of her village was a pathetic collection of tents and run-down igloos. Now, a large structure filled the center of the city – the capitol building where the Ruling Council met. There were guest quarters for ambassadors and visiting dignitaries. A school was placed to the west of the capitol building – it even contained a training arena for the newest generation of waterbenders. Comfortable igloo homes surrounded the large building, and Katara smiled at life in the city, even as tears pricked her eyes. Children ran through the streets playing snowball tag; smells of cooking filled the air. Freshly tanned animal hides hung out to dry. It was such a stark contrast to her last memories of an ash-covered, destroyed city.

She took Zuko's hand in hers as she realized he had been right. It was good for her to see this.

* * *

Later, after dinner, Bato had taken the children to teach them traditional Water Tribe games. The two parents had started to laugh as they left; Bato had just let out an exasperated sigh as Sokka had argued that Kysa had an unfair advantage because she was a _waterbender._ They loved their children, but they were happy to let Bato have them for a while.

Zuko took Katara's hand as they walked through the city. She pointed out a few familiar sights to him. "That's where the fishing boats came ashore to deliver their catch," she said. Then, "and that's where we would have the celebration after the first seal whale hunt of the season."

They meandered farther and farther from the heart of the city. Suddenly, she stopped cold. Zuko came to a halt beside her, and followed her gaze to a crumbling igloo on the outskirts of the town. She held his hand in a death grip as she approached the icy structure. He looked at her in confusion as she wordlessly stepped over some rubble to enter the igloo.

"This…this is my home. This is where I grew up," she whispered. A faded animal hide still hung on the wall. She let go of his hand to reverently run her fingers over the brittle hide. Various objects still littered the small area. It looked as if the place had been untouched since the fateful day so long ago. An iron pot still hung over a long-dead fire; the ashes still colored the floor. The waterbender's gaze caught on a small item across the room. She gasped and ran over to it.

Zuko caught up with her as she picked it up. It was a simple doll. The dress had nearly deteriorated, and the details of the face had disappeared, but his wife picked it up as if it were one of the fine dolls his daughters possessed. Somehow, he suspected it was more valuable to her than any of the elaborate, expensive dolls in his daughters' toy chests.

The Fire Lord saw something glint in the moonlight filtering through the open ceiling. Only the very tip of it protruded out from under a faded rug. Curious, he left Katara's side to investigate. When he pulled the edge of the rug back, he discovered it was a small boomerang. He heard a strangled sob behind him.

"Tui and La! This was Sokka's!" she cried. Tucking the doll in her parka, she ran forward to take the child-sized weapon from his hands. She ran her fingers over the smooth material, as if she could once again connect with her brother.

Tears filled her voice as she spoke. "He used to practice with it every day. He always thought that once he was good enough, he could join dad and the other warriors," she said sadly.

Zuko gently took it from her and carefully placed it in his parka. "We will give it to our Sokka when he is old enough. He will keep the legacy of his uncle alive," he whispered to her.

He watched as she carefully rummaged through the remaining contents of the igloo. She collected a few more trinkets that reminded her of her childhood, and turned to him again. "I think I'm ready to leave," she said shakily. "I'm glad-I'm glad we came here," she said as the tears threatened to spill over. Zuko took her small hand in his and led her out of the former dwelling.

"I'm glad we came here too," he said. "I'm glad I was finally able to see where you came from." He smiled down into her tear-filled eyes. "After all, your stories of home were one of the things that made me fall in love with you all those years ago."

They held one another for a moment; their breath turned to vapor in the frigid air. Zuko leaned down to kiss her under the South Pole moonlight. When they broke apart, he noticed her eyes travel up an icy hill. He quirked his eyebrow at her.

"What, a chunk of ice distracted you from kissing me?" he said, feigning insult.

He finally elicited a laugh from her. "Nothing could distract me from kissing you…except maybe penguin sledding," she said mischievously. "_That_ was our penguin sledding hill."

"Your highness, I would like to formally invite you to take part in the barbaric sport of penguin sledding," she said with a laugh.

"I accept your invitation, waterbender," he replied.

* * *

Half an hour later, the Fire Lord was beginning to doubt his acceptance as he looked down the steep hill with trepidation. A noisy group of penguins dotted the ice.

His wife had apparently forgotten just how steep the icy hill was. "I can't believe we used to do this," she said with a gulp.

"Are you backing down from the challenge?" he prodded.

"Never! A master waterbender never backs down from a challenge," she said, trying to keep the bluster in her voice.

They made certain her family treasures from the igloo were tucked securely into their parkas as Zuko listened to her instructions.

"Remember, choose your penguin wisely. For a first-timer, I'd go for a nice stout one," she advised.

"You don't think I can handle a fast one?" he asked her, vaguely insulted.

She rolled her eyes at him. "Don't do anything stupid. This is stupid enough," she admonished.

"Alright. I'll pick a slow one," he conceded.

With that, they each singled out a penguin. Katara shouted, "Now!" and they each jumped on a penguin.

The two figures flew down the icy slope in the moonlight, laughing and shouting the entire way. They raced one another to the bottom, and as the land evened out, the penguins slid to a stop. Katara and Zuko released the dumbfounded creatures, who waddled off the edge of the ice shelf into the water.

Husband and wife looked at one another – their cheeks were red from the fast ride through the icy air.

"Want to go again?" Zuko suggested, completely out of breath from the wild ride.

Katara laughed. "No, I think that's quite enough for me."

"Good. That was terrifying. I think I'm done with that particular sport. Water Tribe people are crazy. The wildest game I ever played was Hide and Explode," he said.

They made their way back toward the town. They greeted Bato once they reached their quarters, who informed them that he had put the children to bed.

He took in the couple's mussed hair and faces red from the cold.

"What in the name of the spirits were you two _doing_ out there? Do I even want to know?" he asked.

"Katara took me penguin sledding," the Fire Lord explained.

Bato gave them an incredulous look, and finally burst out laughing.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there to see it," he finally managed to say.

* * *

A few days later, the Fire Nation royal family boarded their ship after saying their goodbyes. They waved at their loved ones as the ship pulled away from the ice. Katara held Mizuki to her as the little girl cried. She hadn't wanted to leave. She had finally quieted at reassurance from both of her parents that they would come back to visit. Katara set her down, and the three year-old toddled off to play with her siblings.

The Fire Lord and Lady stared out over the water as the city disappeared over the horizon. Katara looked up at her husband and smiled.

"You were right, Zuko. We created new memories there. I needed that," she admitted.

"We'll visit again soon…although I have one condition," he stated.

"What's that?" she asked with curiosity.

"Our children must _never_ learn about penguin sledding," he said sternly.

Katara laughed.

"Agreed."


End file.
